After Homecoming


 

"Come brave Odysseus pick up your oar

and follow me on the journey foretold

when you, dying your first death,

in the grip of Hades to Teiresias spoke

and learned your future and your end.

Leave now proud Ithica and your household,

wander with me away from the shore

in search of those so ignorant of the sea

that they will not recognize your oar."

 

So spoke the blind bard as he sat in the hall.

And silence fell upon them all -- utter silence --

for these were the words that Odysseus most feared

having gained his long sought homeland.

He knew he would be torn away again,

but had tried to forget the fateful words

once spoken in Hades that sealed his destiny --

an oacular maldiction

that would drive him out to wander the lands

as he once wandered the seas.

 

"Who are you to call me thus

and speak so boldly of my own fate.

What kind of guest repays his host

with sad tidings such as these.

It feels like only yesterday

that I regained this precious land of mine.

Would you have me leave again so soon

to wander lost within the endless lands?"

 

Odysseus looked upon his guest with disdain.

He regretted the offerings of food and drink

that he had made to the itinerant scop,

 

and make it difficult to take quick revenge.

"Clever Odysseus, I am but a minstrel

who wishes to compose an epic poem

which will delight the ear

and perhaps convey some wisdom

to the future generations from out of the absolute past.

When I heard of the prophesy

of your second land locked voyage,

I made my way to your island home

hoping you had not left yet

upon the scattered pathways.

How better to assure the accuracy of the tale,

then if the bard participates in the adventure?"

 

Odysseus was incensed at the impertinence

of this young bard who refused to see

how ridiculous his suggestion was.

Heroes such as himself did not take useless baggage

on high adventures such as those foretold.

The bards must be content to report the tale

borrowing their words from those fit to serve.

 

"You are bold for a scop

and if you were not my guest

I would destroy you in spite of your blindness

for the insolent tongue in your head."

 

So did the glorious Odysseus dismiss

the suggestion that he begin his fated journey.

 

"Oh, Odysseus, do not shift your anger to me.

I only call you to your destiny.

Be angry with your fate, but not

this poor blind speaker who wanders the earth

seeking only to give brief pleasures

in return for food and drink. I am young and fit

with only one slight handicap

which you will only notice during the day.

At night when the moon is down

my sight is as good as your own.

But during the day when others see

the dark shapes highlighted by the sun

I have a second sight -- seeing the

lights surrounded by darknesses

that those blinded by sight never see."

 

Odysseus got hold of himself

and saw that this was no ordinary singer.

A chill went through his frame,

foreboding seized his heart,

and inwardly he raged against his fate

that was torn between water and earth.

 

"Certainly it is not to you

that I owe my terrible destiny

that tears me from my home.

Fate is beyond the reach of the Gods

Who are fated just like we mortals.

Their fate binds while ours destroys

operating on this fragile frame bound to death

while theirs is bound just as firmly to life."

 

The singer heard the words of wisdom

gained through suffering and pain

and he rejoiced in the sound of humanity blooming.

 

"Come great Odysseus, set out with me

on your last journey into the interior.

Let me be your guide for I know the lands

as no other man, having traveled far and wide singing

my songs. Let me record the tale

of your last wandering on which you have

little fear of returning home."

 

Odysseus knew that he was being drawn

into the tale which was yet to be sung.

He could feel himself losing his balance

falling into the blindman's silent eyes

who saw the vision of his return

assured because his death must come from the sea.

But how could he leave his wife and son?

How could he leave the home island

which he had sought so long?

How could he leave his people

who had embraced him again

as their King despite the destruction

of so many brave citizens

at the hands of their own ignorance

and despite the fate of the suitors

whom he had destroyed, many

the sons of the islanders?

It was an unlucky city who had

ignorance torn from it so brutally

but it was left all the more wiser.

Seeing the shadows of so many missing men

play upon the ground behind the weary Odysseus

gave the citizens pain as they looked

at the lone survivor. They railed against fate

but accepted that Odysseus had acted rightly,

even though it had destroyed so many.

Their deaths fed his glory and his glory was theirs

for he was from them, one the gods had singled out.

 

"I must go on this new journey alone.

I cannot risk the lives of others again

as I once did to my countries grief.

And I cannot escort a blind man

into the depths of an unknown country

where danger for us all would be

multiplied by that handicap.

But, you have reminded me of my own fate

and perhaps that is a sign for me

that I should take up my oar and plant it

at the center of the earth with its wide lands."

 

Pennelope then spoke breaking her silence:

 

"My husband, how can you leave me and your son?

What do you have to gain

that you do not already possess?

Though I do not call you to deny your fate

rest with me longer and know your son more.

For we are those who waited long for you

and we have not yet had our fill of your presence.

Banish this bold scop and leave your oar

at its place on your ship. Remember our vows

to each other to help our friends and destroy our foes.

You, my husband, have destroyed many of our friends,

and spent your days engaged with myriad of foes,

to what avail? Let us face our foes together, here,

and build friendships again, here. Let the turning

of the fated world take care of it self for a while longer."

 

Telemachus then spoke, close on the heels

of his mothers modest speech:

 

"Oh Mother, Do not attempt to detain my father.

He must go upon this journey,

become lost in the hinterlands,

singing as he travels the forking roads,

wandering with his son at his side,

and teaching his son the secrets of manhood.

I have stayed with you here too long,

waiting for my father's return,

attempting to protect you from the overweening suitors.

this journey is to be my longed for initiation

into the songs only the seasoned men are allowed to sing.

If we do not undertake this journey,

then I will always remain a boy,

who like the suitors were too young

for the overwhelming war at Troy.

Mother, to deny your husband his final journey

is to deny me manhood."

 

Odysseus was sad, sickened

at the thought of traveling the wide open spaces,

where the prairies reach out to the endless horizon,

and the danger it might bring to him

along with his son. He certainly could not

deny his son the glories of manhood.

No telling what was in store for Telemachus

in his later life when his fate

would catch up with him.

He hoped he would be more

than a name and a brief history

which appeared in an epic

only to fall into the abyss of death.

So many who found

their utter limits in war

suffered this ignoble fate.

Yet, it was better than dying

without even a mention by the poets.

Better to be in the places of honor,

brought there by ones own valor

and by the praise of one's comrades.

Better to get war prizes

due to one's great actions,

to gain dignity in assembly

due to one's unwavering words.

But these are gifts a father cannot give his son.

These are gifts a man can only give himself

by doing deeds that no other can match.

Odysseus could not stand in the way of his son,

prevent his son from giving himself these gifts

that make life worth living.

 

"Son, fear not. If I go then you shall be my companion.

You have gained in honor by your protection

of your mother despite your weakness.

Athena has guided you as well as myself.

The help of the gods is a great sign

that most men never experience.

So rejoice in the signs of greatness

already seen upon you by others.

And I shall reward you by teaching you

all that I know about manhood.

But ultimately I cannot teach you

because I am the sensory father.

I can only prepare you to meet the father of meaning.

A man cannot teach his own son.

He can only prepare him to be entrusted to another.

We will search together for you second father,

I know he must be somewhere in this earth

under these bright and glorious skys

that shine down on youth.

We will find him together,

and then the real journey will begin."

 

Pennelope said, "I cannot stand for you

to both leave me alone again.

Why did you bring me into this house,

from my father's house

only to leave me for years at a time.

Other women have their husbands by their side,

why am I fated to care for one always absent.

I cannot bear the burden of your prolonged absences.

I am a woman who has cleaved to my man,

when everyone said you were dead

I knew deep within my self

that you were somewhere between heaven and earth.

Even when I dreamt you were in the arms

of another woman, perhaps more beautiful than myself,

perhaps even an immortal worman,

I still longed for you, because we had become one,

our marriage had branded us deeply within our selves

making us all but inseparable from each other

even though the very seas conspired to keep us apart.

I am not strong enough to go through that again.

If you will take your son you must

also take me, your wife, who loves you,

though you abducted me from my fathers house,

and promised me many children,

and abandoned me before the world.

Think deeply Odysseus

before you leave me again

to my own devices."

 

"How impossible would you make my journey,"

said Odysseus disheartened,

"I cannot take a woman, a boy, and a blindman.

Next you would have me bear up our twins

and carry them on my sholders, crying as I carried them

across the world like Sisyphus with his stone.

Do not multiply my burdens.

I cannot be responsible for you

on this long journey whose end I do not know.

I have in the past had the help of the gods.

This is why I could return before.

I could not help my companions.

I could not even, in many circumstances,

help my self. I was tossed on the wild seas

of fate, a wanderer, thinking

I would never see my home again.

But I was carried through it all

by the one thought

the image of my glorious return.

But how will I be able to keep going

if you go with me and are destroyed

by some unforeseeable turn of events.

I cannot risk you whom I love,

just because of my tragic fate,

my terrible fate, is to suffer every pain.

Am I not in this like Oedipus?

Must you be like the Sphynx who I must pass

on my way out of this homestead.

Don't ask me "why?,"

these riddles of destiny are too much to bear.

My wife, you must stay

and raise our second lot of children.

These twins are our life.

You are the earth up on which they were cast.

Accept your fate as I accept my own.

Go into the confines of our household

and bar the door till I return.

No one would dare to molest you now

after what I dealt out to the suitors.

Give me something to think about, yearn for,

a dream of returning to you,

as I risk my life with our oldest son.

You may never see us again.

But you will know that we as men went out

into the harsh light and stood our ground

against the wild abandon of fate.

We who sing in the cleft between heaven and earth.

We who listen to the oracles of the gods

and to the echoes of our own mortality."

 

The blind scop listened to this strange conversation

and he heard what he had heard

so many times before, so many places,

the deep rift between the place of man

and the place of woman,

woven into every fiber of our beings.

This was the estrangement

between the two kinds of a kindness.

He saw it in every princely household he had visited

since his father sent him to learn the way

of the most telling tales, had him taught the odes

and epics that all men desire to hear,

the stories that make them human

and teach them the names of the gods,

the role of the host,

as well as the meaning of glory

and the deeds of the heroes.

Each time he sung the songs

he saw in the faces of the boys a longing

and in the faces of the women a fear.

For every woman heard

the cries of the women and children within the walls

through every line of the great saga.

Every man heard only of the great deeds

of other men who threw down their lives

for a woman that only one man could possess at a time.

Every woman wondered at how men could destroy

not only their own lives but the lives of their families

for a woman they could not actually have and hold.

Every man longed to be like Achilles,

mad with murder in his eyes

lost in cruel action which brought utter defeat to ones foes

and could only be stopped in the end by a god.

This rift between men and women,

sons and daughters, bewildered the scop

who made the men weep

and the women laugh with his songs

None could understand the abyss between them,

not even the proud singer

who repeated the ancient sayings

learned from his teacher by heart.

What is learned by heart

rises up from deep within one's frame.

It reaches out to encompass

all those with ears to hear

the peal of the fated, the fallen ones,

the joy of yearning,

that makes every singer want to invent his own song

pick up the ancient pattern

and explore the differences between

the laughing ones and the crying ones.

 

"Oh, wondrous ones. Listen to me,

and harken to what I hold for you all.

I am blind yet I see clearly

the difference between men and women.

Men are the ones who seek the light

while women are want to hide within the darkness.

Men are the ones who yearn for the dark

as women yearn for the light.

Each yearns for what the other possesses

and thus their desire for each other is born.

It is the fate for these two kinds of kindness

to be separated from each other.

If not by journeys then by cruel walls

within the household.

Pennelope, don't you know, that it was by being far

from you that your husband became close to you,

perhaps closer than any other man to a woman.

Now you have rolled over into the opposite

and know nearness.

But in nearness there is great distance.

Forgetfulness and Oblivion lurk near at hand.

Would you trade the nearness of distance

for the distance within what is too close.

Too close, too far.

The extremes of Eros appears in our midst.

The sickness called love begiles us,

Like children playing with icicles,

their hands burning, but they can't put it down.

A mixture of pain and glee held together at once -- the sublime!

Like an apple out of reach in the high branches of the tree

Do not allow this monster

that mixes nearness and distance

to enter your home.

Do not court destruction.

Do not wreck the ship of your marriage

upon the rocks of longing, desire,

arousal, persuasion, and action.

The broken wedding ring like that once worn by Helen.

Instead realize the truth of this sickness called love

and stand back from destruction."

 

The scop held his head high and continued,

"I bring you glad tidings.

This is a journey that is sure to end with a return

like the first journey. Yet unlike the first journey

this one should definitely be short.

Odysseus dive with me

into the ocean of the endless lands.

Odysseus will climb with me toward that

shore of the banking clouds seen yonder

across the straight on the mainland.

You will find your home again soon, but make haste

for time is short and it is as if every moment you resist your fate

the longer your shorter second journey becomes.

Time itself is expanding and your life is contracting.

How long would you have between your return

and certain death from the sea?

Save your old age with your wife

and your twinn sons. Rise up to walk

with this blind man and your eldest son

out into the harsh light beneath

the gaze of the gods who call you

to fulfill your destiny."

 

Odysseus leaped to his feet, Telemachus followed.

The young bard was suddenly afraid

of what he might had said to offend his host.

 

"Young man, let us be off,

for I do not want to lose precious time.

There is nothing other than the time

one spends with ones children

They are one day crawling and the next day

they look down on their father

saying `Father, how small you have become.

What happened to your youth?'

So I want to know my twin sons

in their youth before they see me die

engulfed by the sea. In truth, I long for that moment.

When I enter the endless ocean I will rejoice.

This is because returning to the shore will be like

the attainment of the balance of the golden mean

between the opposites of earth and sea.

To obtain that perfect balance

is what will make all my sufferings worth while

giving deep meaning to my life of woe

and the sufferengs of my loved ones.

Poseidon cannot kill me upon the land.

He who has hated me will see me triumph.

His hate will expand beyond all other concerns.

He will plot my death with an explosion under the sea.

A high wave shall engulf me as my sons look on.

But that wave is for me a door way

into a different world where land and sea

are no longer in conflict.

When I die the land shall enter into the sea

and the sea into the land.

I will die where the first man stood

between water and clay.

Like him, I will in my death meet my lord."

 

Odysseus said to the servants: "Where is my oar?

Prepare our horses and our gear!

We leave tomorrow for the interior,

we who have been trapped so long

on the surface of things, dive into the other sea

where the grasses wave us on."

 

Pennelope wept at these words

and walked slowly toward her quarters.

Telemachus leapt for joy. The bard marveled

at the action he had unleashed

and hoped his guesses of the future

would hold true.

He wondered who the lord

of Odysseus could be,

a mighty lord no doubt?

 

At the moment that Odysseus leapt to his feet

great clouds began to gather, and a storm

appeared low on the horizon.

The wind grew cold and Odysseus shuddered

because he knew the Poseidon had heard his

vow to fulfill his ownmost fate

and then in triumph return.


Copyright 1996 Kent Palmer. All Rights Reserved. Not to be Distributed.

Not to be stored in any electronc form nor published in hard copy without the Authors permission in writing.

Permission is granted to individuals to temporarily store and make one copy for personal study.

961115 -- Draft 5 -- epic01da.fm